You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
