look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
