dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
