weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
