Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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