Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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