Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
