just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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