Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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