just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
