Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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