Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
