I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
