Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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