Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
