shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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