I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
