just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
