kristin has been a bad kristin
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
