I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
