using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
