what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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