How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
