we're chasing vodka with high fives
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
