I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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