dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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