So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
