I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
