i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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