I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
