we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
