btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
