Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
vagina is talking i cant
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
