That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
