Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
