walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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