How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Still dying that you shit outside
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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