So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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