He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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