how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
