I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
