I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
