she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
