That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
