Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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