he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Operation Purity has been aborted
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
be right there i have to get my cape
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
