true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
