Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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