Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
