Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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